What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 05:43
It was going to be , some day.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Put me off passion for life!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My life is so biszare .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why would my nipples hurt when I touch them?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My family never makes their pension either.
What are some of the most annoying movie clichés?
He knew the spot.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So whats the point in blame.
How do schizophrenia symptoms change throughout the day?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why did my crush like me for only two days in a row?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Will Canadians still buy American products?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Ive learnt so much.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Have you ever had a scary dream about a loved one or friend soon after their death?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I have no regrets .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
This is soul school!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im still living with it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She wouldn,t have been !
She married twice! .
But, we were locked up after school.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
So, i spoilt her more .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She loved him until the end.
She was in good health!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I will be 64.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Would this be the day?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What did i know ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But it wasn’t much.
We were not on the streets..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I waited trembling.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I could never make a relationship work though!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was scared of men, in general
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I think the readers, may guess!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i do to all so called friends.?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I said to her
When she asked me how she looked .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Who then, do I blame.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We all went to grammer schools
She found it foreign!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was 9 years of age.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was seconnd youngest,
Was to survive, this bastard.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
All the time i was locked up.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i lived it daily.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot live in the past .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I write beautiful poetry .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life